We're all lying.

This morning I got to thinking about the truth. Honesty. Veritas. Authenticity. Honesty really and truly is not a valued commodity in our society. We say it is, but it isn't. People are terrified of it. They run from it, they defend from it even when not being attacked. A long time ago I pledged to myself that I would always be honest, even if it meant uncomfortable conversations. I have lost several friends who were unnerved by it.
"Does this look good on me?"
"Hm, truthfully, not in my opinion. But you rock that other outfit like a boss!"

<silence>

Surprise surprise, I never hear from them again.

They take that as me "being rude" or "insulting them". They asked me a question and I was being honest. No, I don't think that looks good on you, this looks better. This is not offensive in any way, and yet we are trained to take that type of response offensively and get all dramatic about it. "oh my god, she said I look like shit, I am so not hanging out with her anymore." We are taught that when asked this sort of lose-lose question you have two choices: to either lie and tell them what you think they want to hear, or evade the question/shower them with fake compliments.

This is especially prevalent when I get invited to a soiree, or anything really. Everyone says "I am so there! I'm so excited, i'll be there at 7!"

<crickets>

Surprise surprise, they don't show up.

I say "Nah, I probably won't come, but have fun!" *gasp* No, I can't say that! That is just plain rude! Except it isn't, we're just not used to people telling us the truth. Notice here the difference between "can't" and "won't". I COULD go to said party, I just don't WANT to. There's the piece de resistance. Dishonesty is so ingrained in us, that even when we think we're being honest our words betray us. "I can't go, I have to study." Could you go? Sure. You are choosing not to. You have chosen to prioritize studying over socializing. While that's all fine and good, your words just told a lie.

It's these types of things we have to start paying attention to. It's the way we speak, the way we listen, and the way we expect people in our lives to lie to us, coddle us and always give us a billowy soft landing even when we're being complete morons. We need to toughen up. You need to understand that me not wanting to go to your party has nothing to do with you. Maybe I just want to stay home and troll til the wee hours. Maybe I'm just a hermit. Maybe, it's none of your business, because it's not all about you. You also need to know that when I compliment you, I actually mean it.

So, be careful when you talk to me, because I might just tell you the truth. :)